When it comes to making someone with autism comfortable, thoughtfulness and understanding are priority number one. Small actions, like adjusting a noisy environment or being mindful of how you communicate, can create a sense of ease that goes a long way.
As an autistic person myself, I’ve learned how much small considerations can matter. A slight change in tone, tools to process a conversation, or simply respecting personal boundaries can mean the difference between comfort and overwhelm.
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Respect individual preferences.
Every autistic person is different, so the first and most important step to make someone with autism comfortable is to avoid assumptions. Not every autistic person avoids eye contact, struggles with social interactions, or needs a rigid routine. What works for one person might feel uncomfortable or simply unnecessary to someone else.
Instead of guessing, take the time to ask! Questions like “What helps you feel more comfortable?” or “How do you prefer to communicate?” show respect and create space or open dialogue. Listening to the answers—and being willing to adjust your approach accordingly—can make a world of difference.
This is particularly true when it comes to your choice of words and phrases. While many have pushed for person-first language (person with autism), a majority of autistic activists prefer identity-first language (autistic person). I’m using both in this post but, at the end of the day, every individual has their own preference! When in doubt, just ask someone’s preference to help make someone with autism comfortable.
Read more: our Autistic Archives
Be mindful of sensory experiences.
Many autistic people experience the world in heightened sensory detail. Fo me, this means loud noises, certain textures, or harsh lighting can feel overwhelming. Others might be sensitive to strong smells or even certain types of movement.
If you’re creating a sensory-friendly space to help make someone with autism comfortable, a few small changes can go a long way:
- Opt for soft, natural lighting instead of fluorescent bulbs or the “big light.”
- Keep background noise to a minimum and offer a quieter area if needed. This also includes believing us if a noise you don’t notice is bothersome!
- Avoid wearing strong perfumes or using heavily scented products in shared spaces.
- Provide options for things like seating or temperature if possible.
Communicate clearly and directly.
For autistic people, clear communication can feel like a breath of fresh air. Indirect phrases, subtle hints, or sarcastic comments can sometimes add unnecessary confusion. I consider myself “fluent in sarcasm” when speaking but can still struggle to tell whether someone is joking or serious at times.
If you’re planning something, be as specific as possible to make someone with autism comfortable. For example, instead of saying, “I’ll see you later,” say, “Let’s meet at 12:00.” Or, rather than hinting at something like, “It’d be nice if someone did the dishes,” try saying, “Would you mind washing the dishes?”
Create predictability where you can.
For many autistic people, myself included, routine feels grounding. We might not need every moment of the day planned to perfection, but knowing what to expect is helpful. Surprises or last-minute changes can throw things off balance, especially if there’s no time to adjust.
When you’re making plans with an autistic person, try to be clear about the details. Let them know what’s happening, when, and what they should expect. If something needs to change, communicate that as soon as possible and offer some context when you can. Even a simple heads up like, “Hey, the meeting is going to be a few minutes late,” can help ease unnecessary anxiety. This actually happened during my autism evaluation!
Offer time to process.
Sometimes conversations or decisions take a little longer for autistic people to process, especially if you add in difficulties like auditory processing disorder or situational mutism.
If there’s a pause in the conversation, let it happen naturally. Resist the urge to fill the silence or rush for an answer. If they seem unsure or need more time, offering reassurance can make a big difference in making someone with autism comfortable. Phrases like “No rush, take your time!” or “Let me know when you’re ready,” help signal that you’re willing to meet them at their pace.
Respect boundaries without question.
One of the quickest ways to create a safe space for an autistic person is to respect personal boundaries. This includes physical touch, eye contact, or even social interactions. For example, some autistic people might feel perfectly at ease with a handshake or hug, while others might find those gestures uncomfortable. We all have a right to bodily autonomy!
Read more: Setting Boundaries with Chronic Illness
Similarly, if someone avoids eye contact during a conversation, don’t assume they’re not engaging with what you’re saying. Many autistics focus better without eye contact—it’s often a sign of processing rather than disengagement.
Avoid singling out accommodations.
If you’re making adjustments to create comfort, try to integrate them naturally. Drawing attention to those changes can feel awkward or even stigmatizing. For instance, dimming the lights or lowering the volume in a room is a thoughtful way to create a more inclusive environment. There’s no need to announce, “I’m doing this for you.”
This is especially true for accommodations that may stand out more than others, like using AAC devices or an IP relay service. Making accommodations part of the norm, rather than an exception, helps everyone feel more comfortable and supported.
Be open to feedback and growth.
The reality is, you won’t get it right every time—and that’s okay. What matters most is your willingness to learn and adapt. If you’re unsure about how to approach something, ask respectfully and take the feedback to heart.
For example, if an autistic person says, “I’d rather not meet in loud restaurants,” treat that as a valuable piece of information and adjust accordingly. These small changes demonstrate care and respect, which makes someone with autism comfortable and builds trust over time.
At its core, making an autistic person comfortable is about being thoughtful and treating them with the same respect you’d extend to anyone else. By creating an environment where they feel free to be themselves without judgment or pressure, you’re showing them that their well-being matters to you.
