Becoming a first-time mama has been a wild, unpredictable, and sometimes hilariously surprising journey — especially as a functional medicine doctor who thought I might have a handle on things. (Spoiler: Even us doctors get thrown curveballs, so give yourself some grace!) From sleepless nights to newborn snuggles, it’s been a mix of What am I doing? moments and small victories that keep me grounded.
“Becoming a first-time mama has been a wild, unpredictable, and sometimes hilariously surprising journey.”
If you’re in this season too — whether you’re knee-deep in diaper changes or just starting to plan for postpartum — I’m here to share some hard-won dos and don’ts. These tips aren’t strict rules; they’re more like a friendly nudge and a reminder to go easy on yourself. After all, we’re figuring this out one baby giggle (and spit-up incident) at a time. 🫶
1. Do prioritize your recovery time. You’ve earned it.
The postpartum period is often referred to as the “fourth trimester” for a reason. This is your time to heal, both physically and mentally, from the journey of pregnancy and birth. Whether you’ve had a C-section, a natural birth, or something in between, your body has just performed a feat worthy of an Olympic medal. Give yourself permission to focus on you and rest as much as possible.
“Remember, rest doesn’t just mean sleep.”
And remember, rest doesn’t just mean sleep (which can be hard to come by!). It might look like laying down for some pelvic rest, taking a slow walk outside with the baby to catch the sunrise, or enjoying a warm, nourishing bowl of soup. Sometimes it’s as simple as a foot rub before bed, breathing exercises while you’re feeding your little one, or even a few minutes in the sauna if you’re further along in recovery. Think of it like this: The more you take care of yourself, the more energy you’ll have to take care of your baby.
Don’t feel pressured to “bounce back.” There’s no rush to “get back” to anything, so ignore that nagging voice (or well-meaning relative) who insists otherwise. You’re exactly where you need to be.
2. Do let the village support you.
The first few weeks and months are precious — and exhausting. Your people want to help, so let them! Whether it’s bringing over meals, doing diaper runs, holding the baby while you catch a nap (or that highly coveted shower), or even folding a load of laundry, don’t hesitate to ask for support. Some days, it’s as simple as having someone refill your water bottle or bring you a fresh snack. For those who may not have a village nearby, remember that support can come in many forms. This might mean connecting with a local mom group, reaching out to friends virtually, or even hiring a postpartum doula if that’s possible. I’ll be the first to say that leaning on my husband, Charles, and my family (who generously flew out from the East Coast) to support me during this time has been a lifesaver. Those little moments of help truly add up.
“Accepting the love and support offered is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of wisdom.”
Don’t try to do it all alone. Superwoman may be able to save the day solo, but she also didn’t have to juggle midnight feedings. Accepting the love and support offered is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of wisdom.
3. Do make time for nourishing foods.
Eating well after giving birth is one of the best ways to support healing and keep up your energy levels. I leaned into warm, nutrient-dense foods like hearty soups, bone broths, and rich stews that truly nourished my body and gave me the strength to keep going. I also made sure to include foods rich in omega-3 fatty acid, like salmon and chia seeds for their anti-inflammatory properties, and options like chicken broth and smoothies with collagen powder to support my C-section recovery. These small but intentional choices made a noticeable difference in my healing journey.
“Prioritize foods that “love you back” to keep your energy steady.”
Don’t skip meals or rely too much on processed snacks. Quick bites are okay, but prioritize foods that “love you back” to keep your energy steady (for those middle-of-the-night feedings) and help your body repair and recharge.
4. Do create a calm sleep environment based on circadian rhythms.
Ah, sleep — the unicorn of postpartum life. Babies aren’t born with their circadian rhythms intact, so they don’t yet know night from day. They’re adjusting to our world, and in those early months, sleep patterns can be all over the place. But you can gently guide them by sticking to natural light and dark cycles. At night, keep the lights low and soft, while during the day, let in plenty of sunlight and keep things more active. This gradual exposure has helped my son, Koa, start recognizing the difference between night and day, bringing a bit more predictability (and peace) to our routines. And if you’re not one to nap during the day, don’t stress! Rest when you can and find small moments to recharge — whatever feels right for you.
“Rest when you can and find small moments to recharge — whatever feels right for you.”
Don’t expect perfect sleep — or even decent sleep — at first. And don’t be fooled if your baby sleeps a lot in those first two weeks; things will change! You’ll find your rhythm eventually, but in the meantime, rest when you can and use those quiet, late-night moments to breathe, reset, and soak up the sweetness of bonding with your little one.
5. Do prioritize essentials, but be ready for a registry do-over.
Putting together a baby registry might have been a top priority before the baby arrived, but once you’re in postpartum life, you may realize — like I did — that you didn’t get it exactly right. There are things I thought would be essentials (or I was influenced to buy… thanks, social media), but Koa simply doesn’t like, use, or need. Here’s what I learned: Every baby is unique, and what works for one baby won’t necessarily work for another.
“Every baby is unique, and what works for one baby won’t necessarily work for another.”
I’m so glad I focused on essentials that have truly made a difference — like nontoxic, organic cotton clothing, gentle diapers, and baby-safe skincare — items I knew would be kind to Koa’s skin and free from unnecessary chemicals. I also prioritized bottles with different nipple sizes and materials that worked best for us, allowing flexibility as his needs changed. These thoughtful choices have felt right for us, even as I’ve adjusted other parts of our setup. So remember, your registry doesn’t have to be perfect from the start; think of it as a flexible guide, and trust yourself to adapt as you get to know your baby’s unique needs.
Don’t feel pressured to check off every “must-have” item you see online or forgo purchases that just don’t work for your baby. It’s easy to get swept up in what others say you’ll need, but trust your instincts and focus on essentials. Babies’ needs and preferences change quickly, so don’t stress if certain items go unused — just adjust as you go.
6. Do set boundaries for work and home life.
Returning to work postpartum (or managing other responsibilities that can’t wait) is a major transition, and taking it at your own pace is key. You don’t need to dive back in all at once, whether that’s physically or energetically. Setting firm boundaries has been essential for me in keeping work/life stress separate from family time. I’m upfront with my coworkers about what I can realistically manage, and I’ve had open conversations with friends and family about my current capacity, which has helped them understand the support and understanding I may need.
“You don’t need to dive back in all at once, whether that’s physically or energetically.”
At home, I make a point to fully switch off work mode, giving myself permission to be present. Balancing family time with outside commitments is a dance, but clear communication and setting limits go a long way in making it work.
Don’t push yourself to be “on” all the time. Setting these boundaries will help you ease into the transition with more peace and focus on what matters most.
7. Do prepare for feeding challenges.
I had no idea how much there was to learn about feeding. One thing I highly recommend you do is hire an expert. Working with a lactation consultant was crucial for feeding my son — she guided me through bottle nipple sizes, feeding schedules, and even taught me that I could still breastfeed despite having a double mastectomy. My lactation consultant introduced me to a Supplemental Nursing System (SNS), which was a true game-changer. Since I had a “nipple-sparing” double mastectomy, and Koa is feeding from my nipple, we BOTH still get the beautiful oxytocin hormone stimulation! I would have never known about this if I wasn’t willing to get some support.
“What’s most important is that your little one is nourished and you’re both bonding along the way.”
If you’re preparing for your first baby, I highly recommend setting up a consultation with a lactation specialist (even if your baby is already here) to help you navigate this learning curve. Having expert support in this area is so worth it.
Don’t be hard on yourself if feeding doesn’t go as planned. There’s no “perfect” way to feed your baby. What’s most important is that your little one is nourished and you’re both bonding along the way.
8. Do choose a pediatrician you trust.
Having a pediatrician you can trust makes all the difference in navigating the early days of parenthood. You’ll be seeing them often, and they’ll be a key partner in your baby’s health journey — so find someone who respects your perspective, answers your questions thoughtfully, and values open communication. I was fortunate to find a pediatrician who aligns with my values, making it easier to discuss everything from vaccines to developmental milestones without feeling rushed or pressured.
“Find someone who respects your perspective, answers your questions thoughtfully, and values open communication.”
Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t make you feel comfortable. If you leave appointments feeling uneasy or unheard, it might be worth looking for a pediatrician who better aligns with your family’s needs. Trust your instincts. This is an important relationship for both you and your baby.
This season of postpartum has been all about finding balance, setting boundaries, and accepting all the little imperfections that come with being a new mom. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, and each day brings a new lesson (and let’s be honest, a bit of mess too). So, whether you’re figuring out how to soothe your baby, choosing which laundry pile to tackle first, or just managing to get through the day without forgetting to eat lunch, know that you’re doing just fine.
Take it one moment at a time, lean on the people who love you, and remember: You’ve got this, mama. ❤️
Dr. Jaclyn Tolentino is a Board-Certified Family Physician and the Lead Functional Medicine Physician at Love.Life. Specializing in women’s health and hormone optimization, she has been featured in Vogue, The Wall Street Journal, and Women’s Health. As a functional practitioner and a breast cancer survivor, Dr. Tolentino is dedicated to uncovering the root causes of health challenges, employing a holistic, whole-person approach to empower lasting wellbeing. Follow her on Instagram here for more insights.
