“This would all be easier if I had a five-year plan,” my friend confides in me. I nod along knowingly, as if my daily life would be somehow better if I knew specifically what I wanted in five years. We both agree — if we knew where we were going, we’d know more about how to handle ourselves where we’re at. But since we don’t know our destination, daily life can feel…well, aimless.
“I’ve always had a difficult time envisioning the future, never sure what I wanted to be when I “grew up” — even after, by all standards, I grew up.”
I’ve always had a difficult time envisioning the future, never sure what I wanted to be when I “grew up” — even after, by all standards, I grew up. If something isn’t in my immediate surroundings, it feels as if it doesn’t exist. I don’t have notions of moving from the apartment I live in, ever driving a different car, or even aging. (Me turning 40 in five years? That won’t be real until it is.)
While it’s nice to not be swept away by future plans or timelines that I have no control over, it does come at the cost of not knowing how to handle the right now. How do I structure my days, if I don’t know what my ultimate goal is? How do I live in the present, without having a firm vision for the future?
I know I’m not alone in this.
I used to worry that my lack of clarity around the future made me a lazy or unmotivated person. These days, I’m more comfortable in the uncertainty since, simply, that’s how my brain works best.
The truth I need to remind myself is I don’t need to have the next five years written out in extensive detail; I’m living a life, not writing a business plan. (Although, so many people could argue otherwise — this is just the approach that works for me.) The more pressure I put on myself to have my future outlined on paper, the less inclined I am to do it. And when I turn the future into an idyllic fantasy, my present suffers because of the overwhelm of how will I ever get there?
“The truth I need to remind myself is I don’t need to have the next five years written out in extensive detail; I’m living a life, not writing a business plan.”
So, instead of putting so much weight on the future, I’m shifting my perspective to the short-term. As in, one month, one week, one day at a time. Because even though it’s a well-worn cliche, I do truly believe how I live my days is how I’m going to have lived my life — and I want it to be a good one.
For starters, I’ve swapped my yearly goals for something smaller and less specific (no SMART goals for me, at least right now). Nowadays, I set goals on a monthly basis, preferring to focus on what is priority versus what I want to accomplish. For example, instead of walking a certain amount of miles, I’m prioritizing movement. Another of my recent (and favorite) priorities has been to cultivate a deeper friendship with my pets by spending time each day with them.
“Nowadays, I set goals on a monthly basis, preferring to focus on what is priority versus what I want to accomplish.”
Once I lay out my monthly intentions, I create a habit tracker to help me see my progress. This is where I have the chance to tangibly track the passage of time, as well as offering me a space to note at least one good thing that happens each day. I look back on this at the end of the month and simply reflect on how I’ve spent my time, and if my actions match the words I laid out in the first few days of the new month. I’m kind and generous with myself when I readjust for the next month — if I’m simply not making it to yoga classes like I wanted to, I’ll identify whether or not it’s still a good fit for my tracker.
As a person with ADHD, I know that I can’t overstructure myself without complete burnout, so I also try to include intentional spontaneity when I can. The novelty effect of it all allows me to slow down time and live in the moment, but it also encourages me to have new experiences that may help me shape my future visions. I’ll seek out new breweries, hike new trails, snag last-minute tickets for affordable concerts, or hop up to Hollywood to check out an improv show with friends. (I enjoy it so much, in fact, that I might add a column of “tried something new” to my daily habit tracker.)
When things aren’t moving at a pace I prefer or in the direction I thought, I try to remind myself to be patient. To cite another cliché, it really is more about the journey than it is the destination, so immersing myself in the present helps me keep anxiety at bay. So in addition to the intentional spontaneity, I also grant myself pockets of slowness where and when I can. Think of it like the art of conversation; you don’t need to fill every silence, because it’s in the silences that others can speak up. I’m learning that we don’t need to fill every moment of our lives with a goal or anticipated outcome; sometimes it is just enough to live. To be present without expectation.
“I’m learning that we don’t need to fill every moment of our lives with a goal or anticipated outcome; sometimes it is just enough to live.”
I often think, “What if I never end up with a goal?” To be honest, that does scare me. But I’d rather live without knowing the destination than live my way into a destination someone else has decided for me. No matter how old we get, I think, we’re always allowed to change course, even if that means off-roading for a little while before we find the next path.
“I’d rather live without knowing the destination, than live my way into a destination someone else has decided for me.”
Most importantly, it’s okay to let go. Not every day has to be perfect, and not every year needs to see you accomplish something new. The distance between where I am and where I “should be” is entirely fictional. I’ve made it up for myself. There truly are no rules about where a person needs to be at certain points in their life, and that’s a belief I hold dearly while I try to live these days one at a time.
I may someday find the spark I’ve been looking for, but in the meantime, I’m marveling at the sparkles of my everyday life.
Emily McGowan is the Editorial Director at The Good Trade. She studied Creative Writing and Business at Indiana University, and has over ten years of experience as a writer and editor in sustainability and lifestyle spaces. Since 2017, she’s been discovering and reviewing the top sustainable home, fashion, beauty, and wellness products so readers can make their most informed decisions. Her editorial work has been recognized by major publications like The New York Times and BBC Worklife. You can usually find her in her colorful Los Angeles apartment journaling, caring for her rabbits and cat, or gaming. Say hi on Instagram!
